back?

So I've strayed from the blog mainly because my brain thinks so fast it's hard to type it all and I'm pretty sure I may come off as CRAAAAzy on some of my opinions. so therefore, I hence put a warning that some of the posts may not be suitable for all people and that reader discretion is advised. There. Can't say I didn't warn you.

So, like most of my blogging, it is once again at night. I believe I am part owl, although the flying part was tried and unsuccessful, so I mainly hang out on the ground. There are lots of things spinning through my head, which hopefully will be written out over time as there is no use in me narrating it to myself in bed in my head. And yes, I know that rhymes. Let's start with my habitual hermitting. I've always been known to be a homebody, someone who would rather sit at home and watch old movies, and talk with close friends than go clubbing or golfing or whatever people do. But with my mental and spiritual life on a fence, going out is even harder. Especially going to Church. I have a huge issue with myself, with God with no one? I dunno. Church reminds me of mom, everything about it. So change churches right? Uhhh, no. Cuz, really it's more "church" in itself. I don't like the double standards, the stupid issues that tear churches apart, the way I have to look and behave to be "acceptable". I'm total rage against the machine. Literally. Y'know that scene in Kung-Fu Panda, where the evil tiger is chained down with weights on and such? I feel like that. Like all my energy is about to burst given the chance. But these stupid chains are holding me back. And I struggle and fight them everyday, and maybe I could and would get somewhere if I actually knew what the chains were. I've lost myself and who I thought I was. I'm not satisfied being wishy-washy. I'm an all or nothing, right not a whole lot of nothing. It's like trying to piece back a glass or ceramic vase. It takes forever and there are so many little pieces to find.